Hello everyone. I saw the Avengers tonight. As I tweeted from the West Little Rock WalMart as my sexy boyfriend was looking for travel-size shampoo in his favorite brand, I am whelmed. Nothing new was in this movie. People are very scared of new things. Wonder Woman in pants, for example. Small cars. Gay marriage. Not getting a tattoo. Clean energy. Centralized living.

This movie will scare no one. It was... it is a nice movie full of pretty images and fast-moving colors, which is what I like a lot. Lots of crazy, improbable fighting is something I like to see. I'm not "hating" on the movie, as the kids say, but there was nothing new. It was like watching Eureka and Young Justice and James Bond and Superman. There was no image or plot-line that established its own cultural currency.

I live in a world of images that are established in our culture. When ever I see something new, the time is short before that something new is on a tee-shirt then it is old. I'm rambling. It's my sleep meds. They make me very...introspective. I can't really think of anything else about which to write.

Oh yeah! My first catty thought during the Avengers: All this CGI and they can't give Scarlet Johansen a convincing henna? The rest is pure hate:

The Disney movie Brave: I used to think gingers were sexy. Now I want them quite dead. I know a lot of people are really into Celtic culture, but I'm not. I'm glad people like it and I'm happy you've found your joy, but the rotten accents and caricatures in that movie make me want to forget all about that part of the world.

The Disney movie Frankenweenie: Tim Burton has run out of things to make creepy so he's remaking his own movies. I can't wait to see the stop motion Batman!

The movie ParaNorman: Again, all established cultural currency. This is for people who like creepy, ghostly, Gothic shenanigans, trapped in the suburbs. Another movie made from a Saturday Night Live skit.

Medication. Lovely. There were other movie trailers, but nothing's sticking in my head. Everything's all melting Jell-O salad and I love it.

I really do hate the show Friends

Very bad energy today. Work was trying at best. The only high point was lunch. Yoga was strange. Some goofy yahoo came in from out of town and introduced all these fan-dangled idea about movement and sweeping the knee up between the arms in dog position into a lunge. I'm horrible at lunges. My "lunge muscle" must be way under-developed. Also, I think my shin bone is obviously longer than whole arm because I couldn't do it without great difficulty. I did get this extra lagnappe: the teacher used the Batman villain "the Joker" as a demonstration of elevating the head while softening the neck.

Use your fingers to lift the sides of your throat, elevating your Hyoid Bone. My Guru said to imitate the Joker's smile on my soft neck and pull up that unattached bone.  Keeping the neck soft and elevating that body actually lifted my head, aligned my spine and really focused energy on my blue chakra, which I've been needed a lot lately (poor communication--mostly telling people to go fuck themselves when what I really mean to say is "I'm Sorry.") Yoga was 50/50. Derby was also 50/50. I skated around but I'm sort of getting a little tired of the drama. This bout is very drama-filled. I got yelled at by a skater for doing something I though I was supposed to be doing. Whatever. Everyone get's upset and it's easier to yell at faggots than to yell at bitches. Everyone's on a right bloody tear in derby right now. We need a break. Letting go of negative emotions are very difficult for me. I am not very good at giving people a second chance. And if I do give second chances, they're fake second chances because I don't let the same snake bite me twice. However, I'm going to learn from television and NOT HAVE SEX WITH A DERBY GIRL FROM ANOTHER TEAM WHILE ON A BREAK. I really do hate the show Friends. 


I think after this bout Saturday I'm taking some derby time off to focus on the Memphis burlesque show. 

This is my first non-Diamond Dames show and I'm excited about it. Plus, I think I have enough kookoo burlesque costumes that I won't have to actually buy anything new for this number. The song I'm doing is a very sinister remix of Janelle Monet's Tightrope. I keep thinking of just quitting everything and spending my time finishing a giant art project that's been laying around for two years, begging for attention, but the call of the stage is much too strong. So if you want to come see some bouncy, bouncy lady parts and probably my butt, come see this show Saturday night, after Central Arkansas Roller Derby, of course

I suspect I'm going to be doing some co-hosting and I am VERY excited about it! I've written a pretty clever schtick and I hope you all like it. Meds kicking in, no spell check for me. Good night little baby kittens.

I love gas at the dentist. Every time I have the same thoughts: I should be writing all this down; it's so interesting; country music sounds like dubstep; foolish mortals! I'll take over the world, that kind of thing and then I realize that someone much more clever has probably already written it down and no one liked it. I have the same thoughts every dang time.

Here's what my fun doctor says to me when I'm tripping balls on nitrous oxide "Little prick on the outside. Little prick in the back. You got a handle on it bud. Are you any relation to Janet Waller."

Nitrous Oxide is the only thing that makes contemporary country music interesting.

In other news, this weekend's going to be a buster 100%. Derby bout and girly show stacked one after the other. I'll have to say, I've put in a ton of work and money on this girly show and I hope we get a good turn out.

I'm stepping up my game and making myself be more healthy and refined in my performances. I woke this AM, burlesquercised and worked on kookoo electroswing for the pre-show music. I haven't done my own music yet and I still have a shit-ton of derby stuff to do for the bout.

Busiest Homosexual Ever

Today I had a great job interview. I'm very excited about it. The job is a mere four short blocks away from my home. I would very much like to get this job. I would save a fortune on gasoline. Why leave my current job? Because I can. There are so many state employees who stay in their position for so long, they're unable to move on. There are very few positions in the job market for "burned out yes men."

I'd like to keep developing skills that are applicable in today's job market and to do that, one has to move; one has to keep one's eyes and ears open. And keep the mouth shut.

At the new office, I'm going to apply everything I've learned at my current place of employment: creativity, initiative and generosity of spirit is, indeed, the greatest liability. I'm going to be such a milk sop, that I'll make the most limp dick, frightened of losing their job, bureaucrat look like a three-ring-circus.

I am, expected, with this potential new job, to wear a tie and button-down every day.

Green Burlesque

Most of the costumes for the upcoming burlesque show have been made from tee-shirts bought at savers and army surplus. The only new purchase has been the feather boas and yards of lame' metallic. 

I'm making an effort to start blogging again everyday.

This upcoming burlesque show is going to be something very, very different and I hope you can all come see it. The show should be very cute.

XO
Puss

So tonight I went to a local charity auction to benefit a home for fucked-up children.

http://www.facebook.com/events/194756680623149/

Youth Home. I've heard the name around town, but couldn't really get into it. Kids are going to be fucked up no matter what. If they want a better life, they'll do something about it.

Oh god. Kill me. I sound like fucking Ayn Rand. Somebody shoot me in the face.

I'm glad I went because it was truly the "Shitty Faggot and Ugly Dress Show!" There was too much of this:
On the way wrong type of bodies and even on a good body, this type of dress?

NO

Almost all the "art" was more crafty-type. Premise: artists get eggs and turn them into art. What really makes me sound like a complete dick is that most of the "works of art" were amateurish at best. Most of the artist wore appropriately "funky" outfits. Artists: do not wear funky, out of style uncomfortable, dirty, cheap looks. Be classy, for the love of gosh. Most of the patrons wore terrible, terrible outfits. The faggots were AMAZINGLY shitty:

1) so tan you are orange
2) flip flops
3) Tee shirt is three times too small
4) gel in your hair
5) bitchy, bitchy attitudes

These aren't my rules. They were established by Sophia Lamar. Google and get in, if you care.

I LOVE A BITCHY FAG!! I truly do. The meaner they are, the better I like them.

The second thing besides how not to dress and act is that most of the art was so low-end and slap-dash that I no longer want to even TRY to create any kind of art when I sew. I'm quite embarrassed to even think of myself as an artist.